Friday, April 17, 2009

Meditation on poop and boobies

Again, I'm a bad blogger with a ton of things I want to share but lately I've had either no internet connection (the horror!) or no time to get a coherent thought out.  I assure you, as I clean pee off the walls and scrub poop off the latest location I find it (normally on the child) that I am thinking about all the things I want to share here.

Speaking of poop, Dave and I changed North's first diaper together.  Dave had never changed a diaper before and it had been more than a decade since I had changed one.  Not that diaper changing is difficult, but even the simplest of tasks can be daunting when you're out of practice.  So the moment North started fussing after being fed, we knew he had probably dirtied himself and prepared his bassinet for a changing.  Being his first real day of life, we experienced the joy that is meconium first hand.  If you don't know what meconium is, imagine poop the consistency of goopy tar.  Twenty wipes and one very frustrated baby later, the black glue poo was removed from his tiny behind.  Just as we were about the assemble the diaper on him, a strange yellow liquid shot into the air.  With the reflexes of ninjas, Dave and I put our hands over the gushing fountain so that the liquid fell um...onto our spotless baby innocently laying in his bassinet.  

Our room door popped open and Nurse Ratchet (names have been changed to protect the bitchy) sprang into our room to find my husband and I laughing hysterically while our pee soaked baby screamed in distress.  She removed his ankle bracelet and dryly explained that his urine had set off the security alarm in his anklet causing the alarm to sound and the entire third floor maternity ward to lock down.  She was not amused though and stood there watching us attempt to complete the diaper change.  Just then the photography lady brought the proofs she had previously taken of North into our room for our consideration and proceeded to stand there and watch us prove that we probably should have taken those baby care classes after all.  North continued screaming and finally, annoyed at the two of them staring at us, I simply snarked, "geez, no pressure."  They both excused themselves and finally we secured the second tab on that tricky diaper.  

Of course now that we've been changing diapers for over a week and a half, we're kind of professional poop cleaner uppers.  North's arrival has clued us into the fact that we were put on earth to feed things and clean up their poop (I'm looking at you Jake, Luna and Gollum).  Don't think we haven't noticed the fact that none of you pets have learned how to use the toilet yet!

As for North stats, he's growing like a weed.  Last Saturday, we took him to his first pediatrician appointment where he weighed 6 lbs 5 ounces.  He had only lost 5 % of his birth weight of 6 lbs 10 ounces, which was quite good considering the nursing issues we were having.  Per the doctors recommendation for my engorgement, I went home and pumped.  I may or may not have squealed when I saw the first drop hit the bottom of the bottle.  I pumped 6 ounces, which to those not in the know, is kind of super awesome.  Two days later, at North's pedi appointment on Monday morning, he weighed 6 lbs 13 ounces.  Let's just say that the milk runneth over and I'm deeply thankful for such a blessing.

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