End of the line

Today I faced one of my biggest pregnancy fears to date---the dreaded internal cervical exam. Dun dun dun! It wasn't nearly as bad as I had built it up in my mind though. I had heard other women tell tales of their buttocks involuntary scooting off the exam table to escape the doctor's prying hands such was their discomfort during the procedure. I arrived for my appointment filled with dread and prepared for much pain and uncontrollable scooting.

To my credit, I purposely scheduled today's appointment with the only female doctor in the practice. She's a small woman and my hope was that her height also translated to her hand size as well. Word to the wise for all you pregnant folk out there---study each doctors hands and strategically schedule your appointments accordingly! Nonetheless, my exam was not horrible and I did not try to squirm away from her (she was too strong). I was actually a bit disappointed because I wanted to have a good horror story to report to my fellow first time pregnant ladies out there to freak them out. Not to say that I enjoyed the exam, but it was certainly no worse than a regular speculum exam.

As for the results of the exam, my cervix is 50 % effaced and I am 1.5 cm dilated, which the doctor said was pretty good for 38 weeks. I'm also measuring almost 36 cm at 38 weeks, which is a very slight improvement from last week's measurement. I'm attributing the improvement to being a bit more diligent about taking my iron supplements, which may or may not be related in the least.

I'm hoping all of this means I'm on my way to a normal delivery. Even if that means possibly having my water break in public or even better, at work. I look forward to the hopefully funny story of how it all goes down. And if it turns out to be a boring story, I will simply make up a lie to tell everyone. Dave put a waterproof pad under my side of the bed and I've started carrying a spare towel in my car just in case my bag o' waters breaks at an inopportune time. But really, I think the worst place for my water to break would be in the shower or toilet because I'm not sure I would be able to tell what had just happened you know?

I envision being in some very public place when it all goes down just like in the movies. Everyone's focus will shift entirely when they realize my water has broken because we all know that means the baby is going to fall out of me at ANY SECOND. There will be tears and screaming and me behaving badly to my husband for comic effect of course. It will all be very chaotic, yet hilarious! But really, we will all be closer in the end as we gaze upon the little baby that emerged from my vagina after a mere couple of pushes. That's how babies are born in the movies. Then the credits will roll.