Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm innocent I tell ya!

Have I told you lately that my husband is a genius? Quick back story: when we were 15/16 weeks along at the first Level 2 Ultrasound, the tech caught a quick screen shot of a substantial bump in the private area of our child (that I should probably not be discussing on the internets, sorry future kid.) Anyway, it was still a bit early for gender determination and the tech couldn't confidently say either way for sure. But we've held on to the sonogram image. So Dave's idea was to bring the picture of this possible baby penis with us to our OB appointment today where we would be meeting with a new doc. We would ask him for his best medical opinion on the mysterious bump and attempt to pull on his heart strings. I brought along my violin and played a very slow and pathetically sad song on it while Dave shared with him our hard luck tale. Aaaaaaand it worked! Well, it will work we hope. They didn't give us the ultrasound today, but we have one scheduled for December 30.

To quote the doctor, "I think everyone should be able to find out the gender of their child before birth. I'm mean, it's not like this is China!" Well played doctor and I agree with you on both points! Indeed, this is not China and we promise to keep the child even if the bump in the picture is not a penis at all. Pinky swear.

Later on in the appointment, he half talking to himself said, "Now let's see, I can always figure out a good reason to jot down to justify another ultrasound..." I had to will my lips closed so that I didn't yell out my prepared ridiculous excuses having to do with pooping baby arms and eating kitty cats to aid him in his search for a good reason. He didn't need to know that I had already figured out the most irrefutable rationalizations to explain the necessity of an additional sonogram. He ended up settling on the baby not measuring to size for 22 weeks. Please note: unless you work for my insurance company, I would like to stress that this is not really the case. Our measurements were right on the money and heartbeat was 150 beats per minute, like the most annoying techno song you can imagine.

I do have to laugh at the timing of the upcoming ultrasound though, as I fear my family may suspect a conspiracy concocted by yours truly. You see, I'm not a blue-is-for-boys and pink-is-for-girls kind of person and I'm annoyingly vocal about my feelings on this. But at least I admit it right! My family has been kind enough to throw me a shower on December 27, but the gender determination won't be until December 30. So we will miraculously find out what the plumbing of this munchkin is a mere three days after the shower (I hope). Sounds a bit suspicious no? I can't say I blame anyone for wondering if my stories about gender fender benders are legit. But for the record, I must stress that I'm a very poor liar. But more than that, I am lazy and if this whole thing was a ruse so as not to receive specifically colored or themed gifts, I have certainly dedicated a lot of time to it. One more thing to convince you of my innocence, Dave would not be able to keep this secret if we did know and were keeping it to ourselves. He may be a genius, but he's a bit like a 5 year old with a secret when he's excited. That's kind of why I married him.

[Edited to add a brief IM conversation that took place after this post was published]:

dave: oh, I can't keep a secret?!?!?!

sonya: haha

dave: may I just point out that you practically broadcasted to the world about the possible penis?!?!?!

sonya: your punctuation is alarming me.

dave: is it all the repeated exclamations and question marks?!?!?!?! is it?!?!?!?!?!

sonya: for the record, you just confirmed my innocence for me.

dave: funny how you even managed to use the word 'pooped' in this post too.

sonya: it's my mark, like "z" is for zorro.


Anonymous said...

You really think your family would think you so shrewd as to manufacture a "CONSPIRACY THEORY" ?!@*?!@*

NAH ?!@&*:)

Love, mom

Sonya said...

Yes, yes I do and I'd have to agree with them. I have been known to be wily. Also, are you SWEARING at me in your comment Mom?

Anonymous said...

Aw poop ! (see I can use poop in my blog responses also)

I was showing you my shock, amazement and utmost surprise at your wiliness.

Love, mom