North meets world

The ride to the hospital was the longest 2 mile car ride of my life and Dave had to pull over twice so I could work through some contractions that were coming every 4 minutes. We arrived to the hospital around 6:30 PM last night and were welcomed to the hospital by several tour groups of expectant families. Although in pain, it amused me to be the obligatory woman in labor character for the tour group.  I  know  I spent our tour of the hospital weeks earlier looking for noticeably laboring women moaning through the hallways and saw not one.  Please note, I was not moaning either, but I'm sure I looked distressed enough every few minutes to freak them out a bit.  They put us in the triage room to assess my progress.

Around 7:30 PM, I was 4-5 cm dilated and they administered an IV. We discussed an epidural and I decided to give up the ghost of natural childbirth after enduring more than 24 hours of regular and increasingly painful contractions. My fear was that dealing with the pain would tire me out too much to push. Moreover, I felt like I was impeding my own dilation and progression by tensing up during the later contractions. The earlier ones from the previous 24 hours were easier to work through and somehow relax during the pain; whereas, I found myself trying to freeze the pain and just wait each contraction out until it dissipated with the later more painful ones.

I'm so thankful that I wasn't stubborn about this decision because it would be another 2 hours before the epidural was put in around 9:30 PM. I've come to realize that this decision is truly a personal one. At some point during the experience, you have to weigh many more factors than just your tolerance for pain---for me, time was my most weighty factor. I really wanted North to be born on April 7, my Grandpa Kennelly's birthday. We had already decided to name him in honor of Dave's grandfather, Paul North Kilian, for his first name. And we wanted him to carry my maiden name, Miles, for his middle name. So having him on April 7 was my way of honoring a part of my other grandfather as well. Nothing like putting a little added pressure on yourself! But honestly at 9:30 PM when they gave me the epidural, I didn't think having him before midnight was remotely in the cards.

Fifteen minutes later, at 9:45 PM Dr. B broke my water, which was a relief and the I'm-going-to-pee-my-gown-feeling went away (because well...I did pee my gown essentially). She measured me at about 5 cm after she broke the water. The sweet epidural surrounded me like a warm hug and all become happy with the world again. I also stopped shivering like a madman, which I think was starting to freak Dave out. Neither of us were prepared for the uncontrollable shaking that overtook my body when labor started.  Dave wore his heavy fleece jacket for the duration of my labor, the room was so cold, but I couldn't feel a thing.

By 10:00 PM, I was 8 cm dilated. You got that right, I had progressed 3 cm in fifteen minutes because that's the way I roll. The problem with such quick progression though was that North's heart rate started dropping. They gave me oxygen, attached an internal fetal heart monitor to North's head and had me change positions to see if that didn't improve his heart rate. There was talk about a C-section at that point, but only as a last resort. Dr. B. really wanted to give me every opportunity to have him vaginally (sorry to any guys reading this, I know that word is upsetting to you). And although having him via C-section was not part of my grand vision, I would have signed up in a heartbeat if there was any real fear of distress for him. But he stabilized within 15 minutes or so.

At 10: 30 PM, I had progressed to 9 cm and 0 station. A catheter was inserted so I no longer had to be concerned about peeing my pants. I also think that catheters should be prerequisite for pregnant ladies throughout the duration of gestation. There should be laws about such things. Write to your Congressman ladies!

North still needed to move further down before he could be delivered. So I started pushing at 10:50 PM. I wasn't very good at it at first quite frankly. It probably took the third contraction to really get a good feel for what I needed to do. There was also a brief confessional period where I admitted I wasn't pushing with my full effort due to my fear of pooping. Everyone assured me that pooping was normal and they wouldn't be bothered by it. But, I still didn't believe them. It helped, but to be honest I could have pushed more the whole time. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't because I would probably have ripped up my body a lot worse if I did give it 110%.

Dave was, of course, awesome throughout the entire experience. When he wasn't texting friends and family with progress reports, he was holding my hand or making me laugh. As a matter of fact, the entire process was miraculously pleasant, intimate and enjoyable for all four of us. Dave held one leg, while Nurse Mary held the other and counted out loud. Dr. B, encouraging me the whole time, updated me on the progress down below and directions on what to do next. Meanwhile I held Dave's other hand, closed my eyes and tried my darndest to focus all my energies on the task at hand.

They positioned a mirror for me to watch, which surprised me that I actually wanted to see what was going on down there. I also thought it would help me to see what progress I was making and what kind of pushing was most effective. When he crowned, Dr. B asked me if I wanted to feel his head. That was the second most awesome thing I have ever felt. The first was a couple of minutes later, as North shot out of my body. That's the only way I can describe it because I had no idea the process would be that quick. I ended up pushing for 50 minutes, and North was born at 11:39 PM. As soon as he came out, they laid him on a blanket on my chest and laughter emitted from deep inside me at the realization that he was out. Never have such true tears of joy been shed from these eyes. Looking back on that moment now, I can clearly see that I have been building up for that one moment of pure joy my entire life.

North heading south? (thanks Elisa)

Last night had me making countless trips to the bathroom, which started me thinking labor was imminent.  Around 3:30 AM, the first contraction hit and I laid in bed opening my eyes only to see my alarm clock 10 minutes later each time a new contraction hit.  Around 5:00 AM, I figured this was the real deal and I got up to prepare.  Preparation equals cleaning my house even when I'm not nesting, so it's no surprise my noise upstairs ended up waking Dave downstairs.  He called to me as I was on my way downstairs with the laundry basket, "everything OK?"

This will surprise people, but I don't commonly get up at 5:00 AM to do a load of darks.  As non alarmingly as possible, I explained what was going on to him.  This was the third time in a week I had these contractions, but each time they had stopped before.  And I'm starting to get a Chicken Little complex.

Once Dave was out of bed, showered, packed and had completed his holy-shit-we're-going-to-the-hospital-checklist, the contractions stopped....again.  Dave went into work with instructions to call him if they started back up again.

I decided to stay home from work and eat pineapple while chugging Castor oil.  I deliciously slept most of the morning away (why didn't I take more naps during pregnancy?) And I took a leisurely  2 mile waddle around the neighborhood.  Finally, I got over the guilt of not going to work by realizing this was the last time in a long while I would have this kind of time to myself.  The walk was just what I needed to clear my head and gain some perspective.  North, you are a very lucky boy to be born at such a beautiful time of year.  You will be able to celebrate your own birth every year as the world blossoms around you.  It's like everything is coming to life now because you are on your way.

No promises, but as I write this, I'm timing contractions again.  Right now, they are about 7 minutes apart.  Keep your fingers crossed!

End of the line

Today I faced one of my biggest pregnancy fears to date---the dreaded internal cervical exam. Dun dun dun! It wasn't nearly as bad as I had built it up in my mind though. I had heard other women tell tales of their buttocks involuntary scooting off the exam table to escape the doctor's prying hands such was their discomfort during the procedure. I arrived for my appointment filled with dread and prepared for much pain and uncontrollable scooting.

To my credit, I purposely scheduled today's appointment with the only female doctor in the practice. She's a small woman and my hope was that her height also translated to her hand size as well. Word to the wise for all you pregnant folk out there---study each doctors hands and strategically schedule your appointments accordingly! Nonetheless, my exam was not horrible and I did not try to squirm away from her (she was too strong). I was actually a bit disappointed because I wanted to have a good horror story to report to my fellow first time pregnant ladies out there to freak them out. Not to say that I enjoyed the exam, but it was certainly no worse than a regular speculum exam.

As for the results of the exam, my cervix is 50 % effaced and I am 1.5 cm dilated, which the doctor said was pretty good for 38 weeks. I'm also measuring almost 36 cm at 38 weeks, which is a very slight improvement from last week's measurement. I'm attributing the improvement to being a bit more diligent about taking my iron supplements, which may or may not be related in the least.

I'm hoping all of this means I'm on my way to a normal delivery. Even if that means possibly having my water break in public or even better, at work. I look forward to the hopefully funny story of how it all goes down. And if it turns out to be a boring story, I will simply make up a lie to tell everyone. Dave put a waterproof pad under my side of the bed and I've started carrying a spare towel in my car just in case my bag o' waters breaks at an inopportune time. But really, I think the worst place for my water to break would be in the shower or toilet because I'm not sure I would be able to tell what had just happened you know?

I envision being in some very public place when it all goes down just like in the movies. Everyone's focus will shift entirely when they realize my water has broken because we all know that means the baby is going to fall out of me at ANY SECOND. There will be tears and screaming and me behaving badly to my husband for comic effect of course. It will all be very chaotic, yet hilarious! But really, we will all be closer in the end as we gaze upon the little baby that emerged from my vagina after a mere couple of pushes. That's how babies are born in the movies. Then the credits will roll.

Try not to breathe

It's early in the morning and I've given up on going back to sleep. But I can't really complain much about this stage of pregnancy because I'm well aware of how good I have it compared to so many other ladies. This whole pregnancy has been so easy in fact, that I worry there will be a price to pay once North is here. I'm half expecting the doctors to hand me the most colicky baby in the world while muttering, "time to pay the piper." But fear not! I've read and watched "The Happiest Baby on the Block" so I'm somewhat familiar with the five soothing techniques described in it. Every now and then I like to test Dave on his knowledge of the five "S" techniques explained in the book and like a soldier, he quickly barks, "shushing, swaddling, side-position, ...sauerkraut! and... supercalifragilisticexpialidocious sir!"

A friend of mine also recommended the "Mayo Clinic Complete Book of Pregnancy and Baby's First Year" (I bought mine used on Amazon for $0.01 and mainly just had to pay shipping to get it here. When it arrived, the book had a sticker on the front that says "Compliments of Your State Farm Agent" which leads me to believe that our State Farm agent is hoarding all of his copies since he didn't provide us with one. Bad agent bad.) So lately I've been reading all about labor and delivery since I was too cheap to actually sign us up for a class. Not taking a class probably sounds bad I'm sure, but I can do a lot with that $80 saved! The way I look at it, this book cost me all of $5 to learn the material myself with a little bit of discipline. So far, I'm loving the ritual of reading it and I'm surprised at what an emotional experience it has been.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but the last three nights while i read about labor, North was moving furniture around in my womb. I'm guessing he is in the process of packing up his belongings for his big trip. But I think the book is helping him to prepare for what he needs to do as well. I can handle the direction and explanation of what my body should be doing during each of the stages of pregnancy---in fact, I enjoy the vivid description of my cervix being a turtleneck that slowly draws the baby's head out. While learning about breathing patterns and relaxation techniques, I find my body involuntary trying them out and getting comfortable with them. So maybe the baby can feel me practicing and knows it's time to jump ship soon.

But when i read about the tips for the labor companion, I tear up. Somehow reading through the preparatory information meant for Dave conjures up visions of what labor will really be like. It's like catching a glipse of the movie we're going to see in a few weeks. As soon as the book brought my labor companion into the picture, it all became real to me. Kind of funny, but when I think about it in terms of me, it's too abstract for me to feel anything and a stoic wave washes over me. But when I look at the experience through Dave's eyes, I can start to wrap my head around what the future holds. I don't even know if that makes sense to anyone but me. Maybe I shouldn't write blog posts early in the morning when I can't sleep.

But this tip in particular got me all choked up:

-Breathe with her, maintaining eye contact.

There's just no escaping that sentence! It's looking right at you, refusing to break eye contact and it's matching your breathing patterns! That sentence can see you seeing me seeing you and it makes me realize that no matter what, everything is going to be just fine. That's why it makes me cry.